By Jessica Albon

I have a friend who thrives on criticism. He loves it when his readers write him with complaints, arguments, and typos.

If you’re like him, and *like* to be abused by your readers
;-), skip today’s article. It’s not for you.

But, if you’ve ever gotten an email that left you shaking your head and wondering, “What did I say that made them think they could *say* that to me?” then this article’s for you. Today you’re going to learn what to say to make your readers behave.

First, let me set something straight. I love hearing from you. And, I don’t ever want you to worry before writing me. If you have a complaint, I want to hear it.

In fact, I bet you feel the same way about your readers, too. You certainly don’t want them to feel like they can’t be honest with you.

But, there’s a huge difference between honesty and brutality. And some readers need a little guidance on where the line is :-). So, today we’re going to talk about how you can draw that line.

It all starts with you

Like everything about your newsletter, the way your readers respond to you starts with the way you talk to them.

If you’re abrupt with your readers, if you cut straight to the point, if you tend not to dillydally around, that’s how they’re going to interact with you.

If you are always polite, demonstrate impeccable manners, and show up in their inboxes well-groomed and ready, that’s how they’re going to interact with you.

One way isn’t any better than the other. But, if you don’t like the way your readers are responding to you, your first look needs to be at how YOU’RE setting yourself out there. How YOU’RE approaching them.

See if you detect a pattern in the way your readers respond to you. And, if you do, chances are they’re reacting to the way you’re presenting yourself in your newsletter.

For instance, I don’t say, “Tear my newsletter to shreds and tell me what you think of it” ;-). And not one reader ever has. But, if I were to tell you again and again, “I’m tough! Go ahead and tell me what you hate about NIF,” you’d probably comply.

Make sure you’re not asking for something you don’t want from your readers.

Your readers don’t live in a bubble

The second thing you need to look at is the frame of mind readers are in when they read your newsletter. Where are you connecting with them?

If, for instance, you write a newsletter for WWF fans, readers are probably in a different frame of mind than if you write a newsletter for gardeners, even if the audience is made up of precisely the same people.

Is there something about your topic or your reader’s frame of mind that’s inherently critical? Competitive? Gentle?

You need to meet readers where they are. If you want them in another frame of mind as they read your newsletter, you’ll need to help them make that shift. In EVERY newsletter.

So, if you don’t think there’s something you’re doing that’s encouraging readers to respond to you in a way you’d like to change, then perhaps it’s the mind set they read your newsletter in. Take a look at their expectations and their interactions with other information on the same topic, and then consider how you might shift them into the place you want them to be in.

Your readers have bad days

Just like anyone else, readers have bad days. They have little triggers that set off bad reactions. They have words they hate. Names that make them cringe. Colors that set them off.

For instance, when I was just a tot and misbehaving, my father would call me “Young Lady.”

To this day, when I hear someone addressed as a “Young Lady,” I instantly don’t like the person who’s voiced the words. Instantly.

Yep, it’s irrational. And, a little bit weird. But we all have those triggers.

And you can’t know what’s going to trigger that response in a reader. In fact, you’re probably not even aware of many of your own triggers, let alone the triggers of those around you.

So, this means that at the end of the day, if you can’t quite figure out what’s set a certain reader off, you should just let it go. Chalk it up to their having a bad day, be gracious in your response to them, and let it go.

It’s sort of a golden rule for newsletters. Decide how you want to be treated and treat your readers accordingly. You’ll still get reader complaints, but they’ll be presented in a respectful way. And you’ll get plenty of reader compliments.

Ultimately, what’ll keep your readers “behaving properly” is your being completely true to yourself.